2004 my testimony, trial by existance

June 14th, 2004. A day that started as any other would. I woke up. I went to work. It was just an ordinary day as far as I knew. That all changed on my way to deliver some of my artwork to an exhibition. A very unexpected event took place. I was involved in an incident that would forever alter life. The vehicle I was driving was struck by a truck that went left of center. The girl driving side swiped the vehicle in front of me before colliding with me head on. My vehicle was instantly crushed and I was trapped in twisted metal and broken glass. I did not realize it at the time but I had sustained life threatening injuries. I do not remember many things concerning the accident, but, over time pieces to this puzzle have returned. I was in shock but certain things can never be forgotten. I remember gasping for breath and not finding any. I remember being pinned by the steering wheel. I remember asking for someone, anyone to help me. I remember a pain no description could do justice. But more importantly I remember among all the chaos the calming presence I know as God. In my most desperate and darkest hour the hand that created the universe reached down from heaven to hold me.

Deuteronomy 4
29 But if from thence thou shalt seek the LORD thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart and with all thy soul. 30 When thou art in tribulation, and all these things are come upon thee, even in the latter days, if thou turn to the LORD thy God, and shalt be obedient unto his voice; 31 (For the LORD thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them. ……40 Thou shalt keep therefore his statutes, and his commandments, which I command thee this day, that it may go well with thee, and with thy children after thee, and that thou mayest prolong thy days upon the earth, which the LORD thy God giveth thee, for ever.

As I look back on the scene, I understand that it was an impossibility that someone should have survived such an accident. By all the laws of nature and science I should have died at the scene. I also understand that nothing is impossible with my God and that he is above the laws of nature and science. You must understand that God in all his infinite wisdom had placed just the right people in just the right places. I would have bled out from the damage to my legs if not for the state trooper who would show up in mere minutes and the trauma nurse who had been placed in the line of traffic behind me. I would have passed out and possibly died if not for the efforts of that state trooper. A person who wether he knows it or not became a tool and in a sense a channel for God's ultimate power. You see my car damaged, shattered, twisted and broken lay underneath the truck. Officer Pack miraculously opened the hatchback to my Eclipse, which should have never opened in its condition and crawled his way through the twisted metal and broken glass to support my body. I remember feeling that it would be so easy to drift off and sleep. I remember him telling me that if I drift off I would die. I scarcely remember his face but to this day I know his voice. He stayed with me the entire time even when they used the jaws of life to cut me out. He stayed and talked me through the darkest valley I had ever entered. Without his efforts and his anchor of encouragement I believe I would have died then and there. I knew God was instrumental in the use of Trooper Pack and the trauma nurse. Emergency teams showed up on the scene and I commend them for their life saving actions. A life flight helicopter was called to the scene to transport me to St. Mary's. Before they could land to transport me, an intense thunder storm came upon the scene making things impossible for the chopper to land. I believe trooper Pack told me to hang on a bit longer and that someone up there was putting up one heck of a fight for me. So I laid there bleeding and dying as lightning crashed and thunder rolled. But, I held on. Not because of my strength or willpower but because of the calming presence that surrounded me and encompassed me. I would later explain to my wife that God's presence was there. When she told me she understood, I told her she did not and that "God was there with me. He really was." You see my God is an awesome God. I believe he permitted the accident to happen. Why? Only he knows, but I know enough to trust in his wisdom and his will. I also believe he allowed me a glimpse of his presence that day. That day he permitted me to live a bit longer. I have learnt life is not something you are deserving of it is a gift that all to often is taken for granted. For one thing is a certainty among everyone, old and young alike. That certainty is physical death. I did not realize how close death was on that sunny day in June.

I was eventually removed from the wreck and transported to Holzer Hospital where the life flight chopper would take me on to St. Mary's trauma unit. The story from here is told from what my wife explained to me. I would remember nothing of my surroundings for 24 days. Once in the trauma center they discovered the depth of my injuries. My injuries consisted of a concussion, a broken jaw bone, two broken ribs, one of which punctured and collapsed a lung, the other lacerated my liver. I was bleeding internally. My legs sustained crippling injuries. My left leg received a fractured femur, a dislocated knee, tendon, cartilage, ligament damage and arterial damage among many other things. My right leg received a femur fracture, a dislocated knee, tendon and ligament damage and a compound fracture of the tibia and fibula. Both my legs were as close to amputation as legs could get. Witnesses described my legs as simply hanging together by muscle and tissue. I was told Dr. Wolfer explained that it was a high possibility that I would lose my legs. I was told she asked my son if he prayed and when he told her yes that she said "then pray for your daddy". I know he did as I know others did. My church has what we call a prayer chain. Within hours they had people from many churches in the area praying for me and within days there were people from Oregon to Maryland to Florida praying. God listens to the faithful. This I assure you. As I am the result of faithful prayer. A few days later the elders of my church were brought together and John a very good friend of mine stood in my place to be anointed as the Bible states for healing purposes. I thank each and everyone who lifted up my name to the Lord above, for your prayers were heard and they were answered. Prayer is the reason I remain among you. Many say God has a purpose for my life. I know this to be true as he has a purpose for each of our lives. God and God alone knows the reasons for the accident and the reasons for my survival. He is after all what he is, and that is God Almighty.

Joshua 24:15 - And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.

The doctors decided that I should be put into a controlled coma and paralyzed in order for my liver to repair itself. I had to have 19 units of blood from my internal injuries. It was during this time I turned inward and for a lack of a better word... dreamed. Have you ever had a dream in which you could not tell reality from dream state. A dream that you felt was indeed some form of reality. I had many dreams during this time. If you have ever seen the movie the "Dust Factory" then you get a glimpse of what I encountered. A place I knew for a short time that was as real as the world you know now. I visited many places and many people. I had a journey to make and so I made it. The one dream I will describe to you involves a choice. I was taken before two powers. One, a calm presence of power, wisdom and love. The other, a churning powerful force of chaos an unbridled fury. I was told I had served both well but the time to choose had come. And so I chose. I believe this was where I stood in the presence of my Lord and my adversary. You may laugh and say it was nothing more than a drug induced state. That does not make the encounter any less real. I know what I experienced. I know more than anyone why I saw what I did. I know as I trembled in their presences that these were beings beyond my comprehension. I know the choice I made then and there effected what would become of me in the future. For many days my life was touch and go. During this time I went through several surgeries and my body through several trials. Due to my injuries and swelling on my stomach they actually left my stomach open. The doctors would pack my liver to help ease the bleeding. My stomach was covered with a wound vac but could not be closed at that time due to swelling. For my legs I received various rods, screws and pins that served to hold my legs back into a some what proper place. I eventually had a tracheotomy to help me off the ventilator. I also had a blood clot that threatened my life. I had the risk of infection. I had the risk of my liver not healing. I had fevers. I had many things that threatened my life. But through all this I had God and the prayers of the faithful. He never failed me. In my dream state I believe I walked a fine line between this world and the next. I journeyed in that place and when my tests and trials were complete I slowly began to return to this world. Though they had me on enough sedatives to take down a horse I began to awake.

As time passed my body began to slowly heal. Reality came and went as my body healed. For many days coming out of my coma I had a hard time knowing reality from my dream state. I knew I had received serious injuries but just how serious was beyond my comprehension. Many saw the evidence of divine intervention in my healing. The sisters of St. Mary's referred to me as the "miracle boy". A doctor would later tell me "People who show up with your injuries usually never leave." and another would tell my wife, "Whatever it is you are praying for, keep praying." You see we often forget that God is the creator the all powerful being of the universe. He is the one and only one that is in control. He made us from dust and he alone has the power to fix whatever is broken in us. Although we in our arrogance believe we have supreme control. Our only control is choice. The choice to be of God or against God. The decision is our to make. The sooner we realize this the better our lives will be. When I fully awoke, I awoke to the most helpless feeling a person could experience. I could not move due to my leg injuries. I could not talk due to the tracheotomy. I was to weak to do basic things like bathing and shaving. During this time I learned to fully rely on the strength of God. He showed me he is everything I was not. I clung to him like a baby would it's mother. I was humbled in a most extreme way. Though I was a Christian and thought myself close to him I began to understood just how much darkness was in my life and how much closer I needed to be to him. I knew I was not ready to stand and face his judgement for my life. I rededicated my life to him, a life I should not have. I had so many things to deal with at this time. I had anger. I had confusion. I had doubts. I had depression. I had pain. I had questions. I had a lot of questions. How could the life I knew be torn away by a complete stranger? How would I provide for my family? Was I going to ever walk again? How come I lived when others die? Why was I so fortunate when my cousin Chris was not? My mind flooded with things of this nature. In my condition I was unable to do anything but give all this to God. I remember thinking "God you have brought me this far please deal with all this as I cannot." That is exactly what he wanted me to do. Sadly it is when we are down on our backs that we have no place to look but up. We should look up more often and come to understand just how great our God really is. The hospital scene became old very very quickly. I so desperately wanted my home, my sanctuary, my own earth. I would end up spending a total of 39 days in the Hospital 24 of which were in the ICU. But eventually, I went home.

Upon arriving home I felt like a stranger in a foreign land. My living room had been transformed into a temporary hospital room. I had to be transported by ambulance as I still had no strength and could not weight bare on my own legs. Due to my injuries they installed an external fixator to my let leg to keep it together. Nurses came and went, caring for me and setting me up for home care. Though I had survived and now was sure I would live on I still had many trials ahead. I began home therapy in August. The therapy to regain strength in my arms and legs. Therapy preparing me to walk again. I can hardly describe to you how weak I became. God an I had many talks. Sleep was difficult to say the least. Therapy was close to impossible. Pain became an everyday occurrence. In therapy they would begin to bend my legs and work my muscles. Something that sounds so simple to tell it to you today but back then, simplicity was not an option. The pain would take me to my breaking point. I would often scream out as the pain coursed through my broken limbs. As I said God and I had many talks. My concentration during therapy would often be through prayer. I discovered that there was a point where the body gives out and spirit takes over. Always in my soul God was there pushing me urging me to dig deeper. I found the strength to do what was required of me through the love of my family and my God. I discovered that strength goes deeper than the physical aspect. I discovered where true strength came from. A strength I had never felt before, strength which came from a higher power. But with the voice of God in my life came the voice of the adversary. His voice came as more a soft whisper. His was the easy road. It would have been so easy to give up. It would have been so easy to blame God. It would have been so easy to hate the world. If not for God and family I may have chosen that easy path. However, I did not. I chose everyday to face my therapy. I chose everyday to take the pain. A nurse once told me to appreciate the pain because it let me know I still had legs to feel pain. I chose to channel the pain into nothingness. I chose to strengthen not only my body but my soul. I played my part in the everyday battle that surrounded me. Therapy and pain became an everyday occurrence. Eventually, I grew so sick of being tortured day in and day out. The whisper grew louder. The depression grew deeper. I wanted to give in so many times but I always went back to my choice in the dream. I had given my choice then and I would stay by my decision. I chose God. God had never given up on me and I would not give up on him. We faced the coming trials with an unusual closeness. I faced more surgeries. I faced more things than I knew I could handle. I could have never survived any of this without the grace of God. He gave me strength when I needed it. He gave me encouragement when I doubted. When I could not provide for my family, he provided. His promises are never broken. His word is still his word. And so therapy continued as with the doctor visits and the daily routine of healing. Then came the day I was to stand for the first time in months. A day I will never forget. Somewhere in my mind I imagined simply standing up. Life however is not that simple. The therapists prepared me against the kitchen sink as I needed something to brace myself upon. When I first went to stand the impact of reality almost overcame me. It felt as though I was one with the ground. I felt as though I had thousands of sandbags pulling me back into my wheelchair. I doubted, and as I doubted I heard the whisper of the adversary turn into a scream. You will never walk.! You will never run.! You can't do this! You will fail! Sit back down and stay down! It was then I heard God. His voice gentle and calm. "Stand. Get up."And so, I stood. more by his grace than my strength. I stood against that kitchen faucet and with the help of God defied the very devil who made mankind to fall. I then began to understand just how miraculous my Jesus, my God was when he walked this earth. How powerful he was to say "Arise take up thy bed and walk" You see it is not a simple thing to do. But as I said before with my God the impossible becomes possible. I doubt you could ever truly understand the grasp of that miracle until you have experienced the loss of your own legs. But know this, my God healed the lame when he was upon this earth and he heals the lame to this very day. My legs are the proof of this assurance. The age of miracles has not yet come to an end. After this event I was exhausted spiritually and physically. I broke down on my wife as the reality of what I had to look forward to set in. My journey to walking again had only just begun.

Why did all this happen, I do not know but I know what God spoke to Job in chapter 38 and I trust my Lord enough to know he has greater understanding.

4 Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding. 5 Who hath laid the measures thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it? 6 Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof; 7 When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy? 8 Or who shut up the sea with doors, when it brake forth, as if it had issued out of the womb? 9 When I made the cloud the garment thereof, and thick darkness a swaddlingband for it, 10 And brake up for it my decreed place, and set bars and doors, 11 And said, Hitherto shalt thou come, but no further: and here shall thy proud waves be stayed? 12 Hast thou commanded the morning since thy days; and caused the dayspring to know his place; 13 That it might take hold of the ends of the earth, that the wicked might be shaken out of it? 14 It is turned as clay to the seal; and they stand as a garment. 15 And from the wicked their light is withholden, and the high arm shall be broken. 16 Hast thou entered into the springs of the sea? or hast thou walked in the search of the depth? 17 Have the gates of death been opened unto thee? or hast thou seen the doors of the shadow of death? 18 Hast thou perceived the breadth of the earth? declare if thou knowest it all.